My Nightmares Involve Missing People

There was a time in my life when I became obsessed with missing people. I’d spend hours searching the internet for stories about those that went missing, digging up every bit of information I could in regard to the events surrounding their disappearance. I’d scroll through the missing individuals Facebook page, and that of their parents / loved ones. Part of me has always been curious and intrigued about missing people, but my interest has grown throughout the years.

The part that I obsess about more than anything else is the unanswered question of WHERE IN THE HELL DO THEY GO? Why are there no clues, no remains, no confession or guilt ridden individuals? When I’m bored and have nothing else to do I let my imagination run wild. I’m on a mission to find the “land of the lost”, and when I find it, I will also find all those people who seemingly vanished into thin air.

I’m pretty sure my obsession comes from in intense fear of disappearing myself. Nothing in this world could be worse than disappearing, leaving those you love with unanswered questions. Perhaps my coffee would be half finished, or I’d be in the middle of a text message. Maybe I hadn’t transferred the wet clothes to the dryer yet or I was in the process of browning rice. I literally have a thousand reasons that would make disappearing the worst thing that could ever happen to me. One thing will always be scarier than disappearing, and that is having someone I love disappear.

In 2007 my younger brother vanished. One minute he was standing outside our front door, and then he was gone. I never heard his usual gallop / stomp down the outside stairs to the parking lot. It was as if he opened that door and evaporated into thin air. The worst hell is not knowing. I’ve heard many people say this exact thing, and it’s true. If you ever feel like going completely crazy and on the very verge of losing your shit 24 hours a day, try experiencing this whole missing persons stuff. My brother was missing but I also lost my job, was going through a divorce, couldn’t pay my rent and was watching my entire world fall apart. This was the lowest point in my life.

Years of therapy and thousands of dollars later, I’m able to better understand my obsession with missing people. I can relate to this event. I want to see how their stories turn out, because I already know the ending of mine. Tonight as I go over the newest missing people’s posters I study each face and the features on it. I might stare a little too long at the grocery store clerk, scanning her face for similarities or randomly call my teens just to make sure they answer.

In 2004 Kimberly Forbes went missing from Hood River, Oregon. Her case is one that I’ve checked in on for several years now. I find her case most intriguing because there are so many factors and clues, all leading to nothing. You can check out her case on the Namus Website. Currently, there are over 400 missing individuals just in Oregon on the Namus site. Maybe my fear of disappearing isn’t so irrational after all.

 

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